A KICK IN THE TEETH!

There must be some American in-joke about the British and their teeth. Whenever I watch Jay Leno on the legendry Tonight Show on NBC he invariably fires off a salvo on the state of our dentures.

As a Briton I am not aware of us having bad teeth but I believe if my memory serves me right, and it rarely does, that we used to poke fun at the Irish for being a molar or two short of a fall set.

Indeed just this weekend the BBC has apologised after presenter Clare Balding made fun of Grand National winning jockey Liam Treadwell’s teeth on air. Apparently in the post-race interview, Balding asked the jockey to show his teeth - telling him he could now afford to “get them done” after winning the biggest race of his life. She told viewers: “He hasn't got the best teeth in the world.” Umm – and with the name Liam it’s a fair bet he’s Irish too.

In Spain, well I’m not too sure. I have a sense that the people of Andalucía are said to have bad teeth but whether the residents of say Madrid or Barcelona look down on my neighbours’ dentures I have no idea. They certainly poke fun at what comes out of their mouths – the pure Andaluz tongue – but their teeth, I know not.

I did spend a frantic hour or so some years back with my neighbour Isidro. He was clearing some brambles from a wooded area when with the exertion his false teeth shot out and we all had to go and search for them. We never did find them and they lay thereabout grinning inanely to this day.

For my final word on this subject, for now at least, I take you to Germany where police are searching for a man who tried to walk out of a supermarket with 68 tubes of toothpaste stuffed into his clothing. Noticing his bulging jacket, a shop worker grabbed the man when he refused to stop and the tubes of toothpaste fell all over the floor. Police are looking for a man with very clean teeth! I guess Jay would say – that means he can’t be British!

C-NBC, C-RAP

Back in 1971 or 72 I made my first visit to New York. It was the time in the UK when the introduction of commercial radio was top of the media agenda. I went first to New York and then to Toronto to talk to and to learn from some of the broadcasting giants.

I formed a very close relationship with NBC in the Big Apple and when I visited New York on a more frequent basis in the early 1980s I discovered NBC TV and adored the fantastic Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. NBC has always had a special place in my heart ever since.

Like many Britons in Spain I signed up with satellite station Vía Digital in the late 1990s because it carried BBC Prime. Sadly, nay tragically, that was later ditched and Vía Digital merged with Canal Plus.

One of the delights of the foreign stations carried by Canal Plus is CNBC. This is a business news station but at the weekends loosens its tie and brings entertainment programming. I say delights because I suddenly discovered that on Saturday and Sundays nights at 21.00 I could watch recent episodes of The Tonight Show now hosted by Jay Leno. This is followed by the wacky Conan O’Brien with The Late Show.

Now make no mistake NBC is one of the giants of the broadcast world but when it transmits its weekend programming C-NBC becomes C-RAP.

It broadcasts travel shows that were made in 2002 or 2003 so the facts and prices are basically meaningless.

If I see Marie Helvin one more time on a tour of Tokyo (five times in recent weekends) I will commit hari-kari.

Why as NBC owns the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, a programme that is transmitted nightly, are the shows at least two weeks old and in the past fortnight the same one has been repeated for the last two weekends? And probably will be shown again tonight!

On its business programming C-NBC prides itself as being “required viewing”. Unfortunately at weekends this major broadcaster is becoming a complete waste of air space. In short, C-RAP.