PROSPERO’S PUSSY

When I sat down for cud with Prospero on Wednesday in Jimena’s Vecina Bar pussy was the hot topic. Now there was a time, when the world and we two were young, when such chat would have had a rather different connotation. But with the ghost of Mrs Slocombe at our side our thoughts turned to Prospero and his feral cat – or they did once we discussed how he’d got dog hair on his hat.

Not only does Prospero have to run the gauntlet of being savaged by an Alsatian dog that thrusts its head through the fence every time he tries to reach the safety of his home – but once there he has to face the trauma of the feral puss. Oh how the Gods reek their revenge!

Apparently mog has taken up residence in the area where he feeds his dog. Whilst the malevolent feline sits tall and views them with contempt Prospero and his far from small dog cower in the corner as puss moves in and eats man’s best friend’s dinner.

Believe me Prospero this is a war you have to win. For whilst it may be the dog’s dinner today as sure as a cat’s whiskers show the width of its body tomorrow it will be yours. No need for that smug look either as you pat your tin of Spam believing you are safe in the knowledge that a wild moggy will never master the opening key. Such devices may have long defeated man and woman but feral cats cut their teeth on tins of Spam and Bully Beef.

I speak from a position of knowledge for as I write this I am engaged in a battle to the death with a six-month old ginger street kitten who just popped in off the terrace to partake in a tug of war with my piece of toast covered in pate de Jabugo. Only one winner there!

I now head off to the UK where the niece is about to receive due accolades for passing two ‘ologies’ at university. I leave you dear reader in peace for several days. Ojalá I will safely return for cud next Wednesday. By that time I hope that Prospero will have tamed the wild beast. If not it could be just Mrs Slocombe’s ghost and her demented pussy joining me for jamon Serrano and toast. Or even the pesky ginger kitten!

Head of ladies fashion, Mrs Slocombe (Mollie Sugden) sported a different hair colour every week and continually harped on about her “pussy” in - Are You Being Served? A famous BBC TV comedy.