Good news readers! I am now rich beyond my dreams. Of course I want to celebrate with you so don’t hold back on the begging letters.
When I checked in to my emails this morning:
Mr Bernard West says I can have 40 per sent of US Dollars 232,000,000 if I just send him my bank details.
Dr Richard Williams tells me I can share in 15,000,000 sterling locked in a bank in Nigeria.
The Camelot Group informs me I have won 891,934 in sterling.
In the Siemens draw I have scooped 750,000 pounds.
In the Swiss National Lottery, which oddly has an address in Birmingham, I have clocked up another cool million pounds.
Microsoft has decided to give me 891,934 in sterling. About right for all the heart ache its software has caused me but it is curiously the same amount as Camelot want to give me!
Another doctor, this time Harry Raymonds, informs me 1,532,720 (doesn’t say what currency) is mine in the UK lottery monthly promo.
And last, but certainly not least, the Irish National Lottery Board is handing over 1,801,613 euros.
Not bad for a morning’s work. I haven’t totalled it up but at a guess it is a few bob more than British Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, claims for renting “adult” movies.
Rest assured I am still the same humble and approachable hack that I was this morning before I went to my inbox. So don’t treat me with any more awe that you normally do. However the doffing of your ‘titfer’ or a slight curtsey will not go amiss.