Saturday, November 29, 2008


A study by the Germany-based Institute of Condom Consultancy (I kid you not) reports that Frenchmen say they need the largest condoms in Europe. No surprise there for British men. We have always considered the French nation to be a bunch of large pricks.

We are also told that the Greeks have the smallest needs. Frenchmen on average claim to need 15.48 cm long condoms, about 3 cm longer than the poor old Greeks.

No wonder Britons call condoms French letters!

The survey was amongst 10,500 men in 25 EU countries who were asked to measure their penis and enter the number into a database. Spaniards had an average length of 13.58 cm slightly below the European norm of 14.27 cm. As results for Britons have not been released I guess we are boringly average and/or told the truth.

Jan Vinzenz Krause, the institute’s director, told the Reuters news agency on Friday that he did not want to comment on how honest he thought the Frenchmen had been in reporting the data. He doesn’t need to, we can guess.

The survey was aimed at educating youngsters about the importance of effective contraception. I remember many years ago the daughter of a friend asked could she take a banana to school the next day. On enquiring why she said it was for a sex education class - she needed a banana to slide a condom on to. Later the next evening she reported the lesson had been a bit of a failure as she had felt hungry and eaten the banana before class time. How like real life!

I will leave the last word to Jan Vinzenz Krause who on the clinic’s website compared the size of a person’s penis to differing sizes of feet adding: "Wir haben auch unterschiedlich große Füße und tragen die Schuhe, die uns passen."

I couldn’t have said it better without putting my foot in it.

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