TILTING AT WINDMILLS: TWO LEFT FEET RULE

Thursday, November 20, 2008

TWO LEFT FEET RULE – OK?

Former political correspondent, John Sergeant, has taken Britain by storm with his woeful performances on Strictly Come Dancing. Half the nation wanted him voted off because he simply can’t dance and the other half was in danger of voting him in as the eventual winner as a poke in the eye for the smug judges.

Now despite the public constantly voting to keep him on the show although the 64-year-old regularly finished bottom of the judges’ scoreboard he has decided to quit. Giving reasons for his departure Sergeant stated that he found it “rather absurd” that he was in this winning position.

He added: “I am sorry to say I have decided to leave Strictly Come Dancing. It was always my intention to have fun on the show and I was hoping to stay in as long as possible. The trouble is that there is now a real danger that I might win the competition. Even for me that would be a joke too far.”

Fair enough. However there is a serious issue here. The show’s producers knew that Sergeant had two left feet when he was contracted – so this admirable man, who is nobody’s fool, was set up to be made a fool of.

British men, as a nation, have two left feet (no religious connotation here) and so Sergeant danced and spoke for us all. Given his success isn’t it time the BBC started a new prime time show – Strictly Two Left Feet Dancing?

Isn’t it time we had a competition we can all identify with, enter and win?

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TILTING AT WINDMILLS

Sancho Panza is much less learned but a good deal saner than his master.

"At this point they came in sight of thirty or forty windmills that are on that plain.

"Fortune," said Don Quixote to his squire, as soon as he had seen them, "is arranging matters for us better than we could have hoped. Look there, friend Sancho Panza, where thirty or more monstrous giants rise up, all of whom I mean to engage in battle and slay, and with whose spoils we shall begin to make our fortunes. For this is righteous warfare, and it is God's good service to sweep so evil a breed from off the face of the earth."

"What giants?" said Sancho Panza.

"Those you see there," answered his master, "with the long arms, and some have them nearly two leagues long."

"Look, your worship,'' said Sancho. "What we see there are not giants but windmills, and what seem to be their arms are the vanes that turned by the wind make the millstone go."

"It is easy to see," replied Don Quixote, "that you are not used to this business of adventures. Those are giants, and if you are afraid, away with you out of here and betake yourself to prayer, while I engage them in fierce and unequal combat."”